Surreal
Well, to be honest, I never thought this day would come too. Now, why the hell would I think that?
I’ve never won the jackpot lottery but I imagine it feels almost like it. I have very low expectations in life as I often feel like I don’t deserve a lot. It’s a little skewed but with that mindset, every “small” win or short moments of happiness I experience weighs a lot more (internally) than what they actually are (externally). In short, that mindset made me more grateful.
And when you’re grateful for what you have – you complain less.
Every day becomes a blessing – because you’re given another day to experience that form of contentment.
And when you’re content – you do not need more of this or more of that.
Whatever it is you have is enough or perhaps, more than enough.
And because you have enough, the “chase” for material things, accolades or recognition that you thought could make your life a little more perfect will stop.
When the chasing stops, you now have time to recover and become more selective with your life pursuits.
You reach a point where you no longer give a fuck…I mean really not give a fuck–about things, events or people that doesn’t really extend the contentment you’re feeling.
And because you have “enough” (you’re content), acquiring more does not benefit you as much anymore. This will make you feel more geared to help and share that happiness with others as opposed to keeping it all for yourself.
Perhaps this is what wise people mean about “true happiness”.
When you’re happy (like really happy), “helping others” become a more honest act. How? You don’t need anything in return.
I’m (still) happy.
I had to add “still” because I’ve been happy/content/lucky for a few years. I’m happy then, and now I’m happier.
Now I’m not saying there were no struggles within those years. Smiling for a long period of time hurts your cheek after a while. Life has to keep things balanced. Challenges in life are required – not because Life wants you to realize he/she is the boss but to help you preserve the blessings you already have.
The truth is the “high” doesn’t stay for a long period of time. Contentment, happiness or luck only stays with you if you’re willing to put in the hard work.
There is no finish line.
Perhaps that’s the reason why some people manage to stay on top of their game is that they learned that it never gets easier. From this point forward, you need to work harder and smarter.
COMPLACENCY KILLS
Which is why I had to push myself to keep improving.
Sharing is Caring
Like what I said earlier, it feels like I won the lottery even if I have never won the lottery before. I’m in a state where I feel a form of happiness I can only virtually imagine.
What would you feel when you win the lottery jackpot?
Are you going to jump for joy and tell the whole world? Or are you going to keep it for yourself?
Do you feel more excited to share it with others? Or do you feel more like you have to keep it hush-hush because you’re afraid others might rob your winnings from you?
Do you share it publicly? Or do you share it only to the people you trust?
That’s what I feel when I’m happy – afraid that the spotlight might steal some of my happiness away. BUT at the same time, I wanna share it because I’m genuinely happy.
Two of my co-workers just reached their first year anniversary at work and it was announced to the group. Everyone cheered.
Another co-worker asked, “Did you get your 1-year thing too? Didn’t you start earlier than those guys?”
I said, “I did. But I requested that we keep it hush-hush. No need for an announcement”
Then she goes, “What? Aren’t you part of the team?”
And sonuvabitch! That question hit me. WHY NOT?!
I don’t know. I like to work behind the scenes. I’m selective with whom should I share my personal story with. I’m introverted and also allergic to attention.
Ok ok, those are all true but this also tells me there’s a room for improvement here. I have some unrecognized demons I have yet to get rid off. I’m talking about emotional trauma or beliefs that are hindering my personal growth.
Alexis, I will figure this out.
Still Adjusting
I was late for work on Wednesday. Why?
I set-up my alarm at 5 PM (as opposed to AM).
My body clock failed too. That’s how I realized I’m still adjusting (in terms of time-zones) from our trip.
Now, why the hell am I writing about this? I hate to be late. Being late holds a lot of importance because it shows how good I am at managing my time. And I like the idea of being good at managing my time.
As a result, I was angry…at myself…but that didn’t stop me from scanning my memory to blame something else. That’s when the a-ha moment kicked in:
We become more irrational when we’re angry – at our selves – and we masked that (because we think highly of ourselves) by blaming other people, event or things.
So instead of wreaking havoc on everything I come in contact with, I acknowledge the fact that I…fucked up and it’s ok to fuck up.
The best way I can deal with the situation is to change my perspective around it. I did that by saying:
“Ok, I got up late. While that sounds bad, that also means that I got the sleep my body has been craving to get. The more I’m rested, the better I can function”.
Often times, I notice my coworkers aren’t always in their best mood in the morning. The only explanation I can come up with it for that behavior is due to lack of sleep.
A Year Ago This Week
I…
- fell out of routine.
- experimented with the best ways to get a good sleep.
- craved for consistency.
[Read more about it here]
Goal Update
Side Income
No studying was done this week. My excuse? I’ve got so much shit to do at work that requires a lot of my attention. My brain is already fried when I get home.
I need to recover to be more functional the next day instead of overworking and potentially breaking the “mental machine”.
Health
Worked out 1x this week.
Still adjusting my sleep/wake-up time.
Rice consumption is increasing.
Meditating for 15-mins is more consistent.
Finance
Income tax was filed. Any refund I get will be used towards the credit card debts.
Buying food is not as bad. I spend about $30 for 2 meals for 2 people. That’s a total of $225/week.
Grocery shopping cost about $115 per visit and I typically go 2x a week. That’s a total of $230/week.
Those are just estimates – I need to look further into it.
Anyway that’s it for this week.