Something wet dripped out of my nose while I was still in bed.

I wiped it off with my hands but it kept dripping. That’s when I noticed something was off. It wasn’t mucusy, so it must be something else. As soon as I got up and got out of the room, there was blood all over my hands…wtf.

When I see blood for unknown reasons, I freak the fuck out.

My dad was already up at the time and I told him about it. His response? Oh, that happens, sometimes. My nose rarely bleeds. Hell, I can’t even remember the last time, assuming it already happened to me before. But holy shit that scared me.

So I did what a normal person would do in this situation: ask Dr. Google.

It says, “it’s not that concerning if the bleeding is not continuous”.

Moving on from my nosebleed wasn’t easy because of what I’ve seen T.V. shows or movies. Y’know, an innocent nosebleed is a sign of a deeper health problem. But I needed to be realistic about it. I can’t show up to the doctor and be like, “Doc I’m dying”.

Anyway, moving on…

***

My mom wasn’t feeling well. My partner wasn’t feeling well. While I, need to get shit done at work. If everyone’s out of commission, then who’s gonna look after our daughter (at least for 3 hours)?

Me.

I did what I assume most parents would do to multi-task: turn the TV on.

I’m working while Lexi is watching behind me. It wasn’t the ideal setup to get a lot of shit done but it was the best I can get at the moment. But, even when my work deadlines are screaming at me, I didn’t let them ruin my mood toward my daughter.

Work is replaceable. Blowing up on my daughter even though it’s not her fault? well, that’s something that could scar her forever. So, no..nuh-uh. Work deadlines can wait haha.

***

I’ve never felt the urge to play video games this week, even if it’s one of those activities I truly enjoy. That tells me something: I’m burned out.

All I wanted to do is stare at a wall.

I sometimes imagine myself going for a smoke to pass time and let all the bullshit at work solve itself.