Kindness

That was the lesson I was reminded of today.

Anger makes me feel heavy. I try not to get angry as much as possible.

But there were times when someone shares a story that (for whatever reason) rubs me the wrong way.

Then I find myself saying mean things that people don’t normally hear me say.

It’s a part of my character I try not to show.

I’m not nice. I speak of harsh truths.

Sometimes I scale it up to see how far my devil tongue can go while watching how others react.

Then I feel shame and guilt for saying harsh things as it shows the dark side of my personality.

I’m aware. I’m willing to change. Which is why I meditate.

This whole week, I meditated to Sarah Blondin.

While I’m dwelling in guilt, anger, and shame, I had a taste of my own medicine due to…

Work Adversity

It was a tough week at work. Working in a big company means working with a lot of people – of different personalities.

Here’s my list of the NEGATIVE stereotypes:

• The Experienced Bully – those people who worked forever with the company and uses their experience to embarrass you by pointing out your weakness (lack of knowledge of the job or “irresponsible-ness”). They do this WHILE making themselves look like they are doing it for the company’s best interest. But the truth is they want to get you in trouble. The devious fucks you don’t wanna fuck with.
• The Needy – those annoying people who ask for help all the time WITHOUT doing their homework first. They fail to consider the Experienced Bully’s valuable time which makes them the perfect target for bullying. Asking for help is fine and it’s a MUST if you’re stuck – but do it responsibly.
• The Supreme Leader – that boss who uses fear to get his underlings to work their asses off.
• The Selfish Achiever – those people who don’t give a flying fuck about how you’re going to get them what they need. It doesn’t matter if it’s impossible or unreasonable for you to get the task done because it is part of your job. Get them what they want as soon as they need it to keep them happy. Make them wait and you’re putting yourself in a vulnerable position where you will be “corrected” of your inability to provide answers on time.
• The Bad Apple – those people who spread rumors that are not beneficial to the company. They bitch about this and that and find excuses as to why things are not working out. They focus more on the negative side of things instead of finding a solution to the problem. Misery loves company.

I’m sure you’ve encountered them. Having been with different companies of different size and management styles, I’ve learned how to deal with these people:

• The Experienced Bully – Resist! Don’t fight back! Help them. And it has to be real. Fake it and they’ll see through it. In most cases, when people are mean or angry at you (at a scale where the mistake does not match the level of anger) it’s not really because of you, it’s because of some other personal shit they’re struggling with. You’re the poor outlet of their frustration. Instead of feeling like you wanna get back at them, feel sorry for them. Respect the chance that they may be going through something. No one wants to be mean just for the sake of being mean.
• The Needy – Direct them to right resources. They’ll eventually realize they can figure out the answer themselves instead of pestering you for stupid questions with obvious answers. Again, these people do not want to be annoying. And they are (maybe) respecting your time, they just couldn’t seem to get it right away because they haven’t been through what the Experienced Bully have been through. If someone needs help…HELP. But do it responsibly – don’t train them to be lazy.
• The Supreme Leader – Quit. OR do things that would make you gain his/her respect. Again, it’s not you, it’s them that has a problem. Be considerate. Or if you can’t handle any of it then quit.
• The Selfish Achiever – I try to give them what they want as soon as possible. But when it gets to a point where they’re being unreasonable then that’s when I’ll “attack” back. How? I will hold the information they desperately want. They’re strangling you for answers because if they don’t get those answers, they will look bad to their colleagues or superiors. They will try to blame their failure on you but if you’re doing the best you can to keep up with the workload, then perhaps you’re excused. Can’t please everybody. BUT BUT you should NEVER EVER hold information because that’s called pure selfishness. Do that and it’ll come bite your ass when you least expect it.
• The Bad Apple – this is easy, agree, say “Yes”, nod, whatever form of action that tells them you acknowledge their pain. Don’t add anything to the fire, let them spill their guts out. Why? So when the shit hits the fan, you’re safe, you haven’t said anything bad. The rumors will eventually reach the person being talked about and then they’ll eventually figure out who’s behind it. They get into a fight while you either watch or get them to come into agreement.

These challenges exist, not so you should avoid them but tackle them head-on. I was blindsided this week by an “experienced bully” but I didn’t take it personally. It didn’t even occur to me to find a way to get back at this person. And that my friend is a win! I swallowed my ego with little or no effort. God bless that person. I Gandhi-d my way to win.

While this week seems bad, a lot of good things have happened too. I visited the old company I worked for because they needed help on some CAD work. Prior to my departure from the company, I registered a business to do CAD work. I guess I can call this my 1st gig. My goal? It wasn’t to make money, it’s to make me their go-to CAD person. Too early to see how things will pan out, but it’s a start.

This why I keep telling friends and families to keep their…

Network

Opportunities like this won’t happen (or very challenging) if you don’t have a network of people who support your career. Which is why I was happy and honored to provide a good reference for one of my old supervisors whom I consider as a mentor. I really hope he gets the job he applied for. This would not only benefit him but it will benefit me as well. How? The better/more knowledgeable he is, the more I can learn from him. The more I can learn from him, the better I become. This is how I see “network”, a network of people who helps each other instead of competing with each other.

If there’s someone you should compete with, compete with your “old self”. How? By trying to improve 1% at a time.

But most people rarely keep in touch with their old coworkers or colleagues. I do. They’re the reason why I’m here today and I highly appreciate the lessons they taught me when I was working with them.