Meditation
So I tried meditation but I didn’t find the ‘clarity’ I needed. Instead, I found serenity – a break from the thoughts and worries the goes through my head. I can’t say at this point I’m meditating correctly. There was a podcast I recently listened to and they talked about the minimum time needed to see/feel the benefit of meditation. The answer? No one knows exactly. They basically said it’s really up to the person meditating. Most will say about 10-minutes but I’m not sure if that’s backed by science. But does it really need to be backed by science before you start doing it? Or perhaps try it anyway? If I benefit from it, then I’ll continue. If not, then I can stop it. I meditated for about 10-minutes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday (after work).
Exercise for 15-minutes
I did 10-minutes of Darebee on Monday. The rest of the week, I used the time to cook. Cooking somewhat takes my thought away from the stress I get from work. It could also be a form of meditation because all you need to think about is: How do I make these ingredients taste like something others would enjoy eating?
I’m no chef. Sometimes the food is crappy, sometimes it’s good. But regardless of the result I still eat it. Cooking lets me practice my creativity. It serves as an alternative for the lack of time I have for drawing. I wanna draw as well and watch another episode of Game of Thrones but there are only 24-hours in a day and I refuse to steal time from sleep. I need that 7-hours of rest. Anything less than that can screw up everything I do for the day because I’m tired and my focus is not at 100%.
Fasting
I also wanted to try fasting once a week. The idea started when I read the ‘The Boron Letters’. He suggested fasting once a week to “normalize your body functions”.
A friend asked, “What are you doing for your birthday?” I said, “I’m fasting”. The response I get? “WTF”.
A similar thing happened when my brother asked me what I’m doing for my birthday. His reaction: WTF you’re weird!
I understand it wasn’t an answer everyone expected. People must have expected to hear some sort of gathering to celebrate another year of my existence. But I’m not really into celebrating birthdays (these days) – too old for birthday parties but too young to celebrate ‘old age’. My grandma is 93. Every year she adds to that is a good reason for a celebration. Me? I like to spend it the same way I would spend an ordinary day but I take a moment where I think and write about the things I’m grateful for. That involves a cup of coffee, a pen, and a journal at 4:30 AM. But that’s me. If you’re big on birthdays then you definitely need to celebrate the fuck out of it!
I shared this thought with a friend. His reaction? “You are extra as fuck”.
Work
Boredom makes you do things you didn’t have to do. I was waiting for my coffee to brew and decided to check my work e-mail. Why? It bugged me that I didn’t get a response for over two days from one of our suppliers. I thought maybe he just doesn’t wanna deal with us anymore. But he replied. The e-mail was sent late Friday afternoon. Good!
But there was another unread e-mail that stressed me out over the weekend. It’s from my boss…
He wants to set a time for our annual review. This is what worries the crap out of me. Why? Instead of talking about my future with the company, I will break the news of my departure. I hate to tell him the truth but I had to. I hate the feeling of telling someone: we are not right for each other. But this is exactly why I had to do it. I need to confront my fear. I wanna make him aware of the daily complaints and headache I go through for the last 2 years, not so he can cater to my needs but to cater to whoever is replacing me. I’ve already made the decision to leave and it isn’t about the money.
Alcohol
Geez Luiz…hangover is the worst feeling to have on a Sunday. I love my Sundays. I love to just chill out and prep myself for the upcoming week. However this Sunday, I spent most of my day in bed. I also spent a lot of time hugging the toilet. It was the worst. I couldn’t remember the last time I got that drunk. Shots of rum and whiskey. I can’t even remember.
I was supposed to post this yesterday morning but here I am posting it on Monday evening because I was unable to do anything yesterday. I was paralyzed.
What about you?
How’s your weekend?