Roll The Dice
4-months of half-assed studying + 1-month of focused studying + 4 in-class studying later…
And yet I still feel unprepared.
How do I know? I wrote the practice exams to gauge my level of understanding – only to realize that most of my answers were wrong.
Now imagine feeling that a day before your exam date. Do you think you have a better chance of passing? When anxiety creeps in – it almost always screws up all your prep work.
But I’m desperate to get this thing done and over with. It sucked up a lot of my time and headspace. I had to dismiss some personal stuff in my schedule to make room for studying. Now, it has come to a temporary end.
Temporary because I have a high chance of failing. But what makes it worse is that I wouldn’t find out until after 2-weeks. Which equates to 2-weeks of wondering – of dwelling in uncertainty.
I don’t know about you but feeling uncertain sucks up a lot of your energy. And yet I intentionally exposed myself to it. Now, why the hell would I do that?
To gauge my ability to handle overwhelm, stress and manage my schedule.
I challenged 4 exams in one day – feeling unprepared lol.
If I…
PASS – I can relax for a bit and give myself more “me” time.
This also means pursuing other personal projects. And perhaps, more time for others.
This would also make me realize I am capable of fitting multiple goals in a short amount of time.
FAIL – I am not going to squeeze to much stuff in my schedule again.
This tells me that I haven’t built enough discipline to allow me to accomplish audacious goals. I need to become better at creating boundaries in my schedule and improve my ability to deal with the distraction of daily life – because that will always be there.
I don’t intend to avoid the distraction but I wanna get better at dealing with it.
Pause
Now that my provincial exam is done I can finally have that break I’ve been craving for a while.
What does that look like? A day of doing f*ck-all.
One thing I realized when it comes to taking an “effective” break is to avoid putting any limits to your break.
Avoid saying…
“Ok, I’m going to take a break for an hour and then get right back at it” or
“Let me do a little bit more work first before taking a break” or
thinking “Shoot! I have yet to this and this and that — holy fck I’m so busy”.
These conditions mess up your break – because you’re not 100% fully into it.
A half-assed break is like not taking any breaks at all.
Now “taking a break” seems like the easiest thing to do. I mean really, how hard could that be?
If you’re someone who has a lot of responsibilities then you tend to worry about a lot of things. Taking a full 100% break is hard – because you feel like don’t have time for it.
But I wonder…
How is burning ourselves out by working more and use more of our already depleted energy help us produce more quality work?
Some take pride in being a workaholic. But in reality – a workaholic is someone who doesn’t have their shit together which is why they have to work longer hours.
Roll Again
Well, life doesn’t stop – it keeps going – so are the number of goals you set. The list adds up.
A friend once asked, “So what are you going to do once you’re done with this?”
I’m never going to forget that question because it was an excellent sanity check.
But I think what she’s really asking is “You do all sorts of things and seem like you’re not getting anywhere. Why bother?”
When a friend tells you exactly how it is – keep them – because they have the balls to tell you the truth.
When I was asked the question then, my answer was “The transformation is happening internally. And because it all happens internally, I cannot show proofs of it. And because I can’t show proofs – you’ll just have to take my word for it”.
This sounds like crazy talk which is why sometimes it’s best to just keep it to yourself.
If I had to answer that question today, my answer would simply be “One day, it will all make sense”.
That sounds vague and a little too optimistic but the truth is – you’ll never know exactly what is going to happen in the future anyway.
The best you can do is use the time you have today to prepare yourself for what’s to happen WITHOUT knowing what’s going to happen.
Is it all for nothing? Fuck yeah! But my gut feeling says it’s going to be worth it 😉
A Year Ago This Week
I…
- grew – no not my height, the dream to grow another inch taller died since I was 14. But I surpassed a new level of stress.
- dealt with unforeseen problems before going to work.
- Life lesson from Mentos: No need to be upset. It will all work out.
[Read more about it here]
Goal Update
Personal Projects
Wrote 4 provincial exams on Friday. Will need to wait for 2-weeks.
Other personal projects to pursue:
- MSPaint Zodiac Series
- Produce 3-min articles on Medium
- Learn Kopywriting.
- Write about my journey to become an insurance broker.
Health
I need to re-calibrate and get my health back in order.
Last night I was soo bloated I couldn’t sleep. I ate a lot late in the evening which I don’t normally do. I need to get back into the rhythm of things – diet, sleep and eating schedule.
Gotta get back into the basics.
Finance
This one needs re-calibration too. I purchased an online course called “Wealth Triggers”. Why?
It’s a pilot program. It’s cheap. It’s a “mindset improvement” kind of investment.
