Psyche Me-Self Out
Re-reading [the book] that helped me improve my self-esteem this past couple of weeks, is still helping me recognize the irrational excuses I use – to do what I do.
It helped me identify one of the reasons why I keep failing to include “workout” in my schedule after work.
A lot of people hit the gym after work and that might have been the best way for me to address my issue but I’m not a big fan of the gym.
So I go straight home feeling tired and hungry.
[1st Excuse] I don’t feel like working out when I’m hungry. PLUS I wanna pause and relax for a bit. Geez, I deserve a break.
To address the hunger I would (obviously) find something to eat
[2nd Excuse] I need to eat to give myself the energy to work out properly.
Then I end up eating a lot.
[3rd Excuse] I can’t work out properly after eating a big meal, I need to wait it out until I don’t feel so “heavy” anymore.
Then I’ll find ways to kill time to get rid of the “heavy” feeling. That means, reading e-mails, go on social media, chit-chat with the family for a bit, or play BlackOps 4 lol.
But because I enjoyed doing “other things”, time flew by that it’s already time for me to get ready for bed.
Otherwise, I will lose my chance to get a 7-hr of sleep which would then affect y productivity the next day, which creates another negative cycle in my schedule.
And so, I don’t work out. Because you know, no time 😛
You see, I can perfectly justify why I did what I did.
It may be rational to others but it certainly needs a lot of improvement.
The intent to work out is there but it lacks action.
The real question I need to address then is:
How do I encourage myself to take action?
Willpower alone is not enough.
And worse, my willpower is very low in the evening.
What to do?
Craft a schedule as such that each task you finish will prompt you to do the next task.
Instead of eating after work, why not work out first?
Fuck the hunger – let working out suppress hunger.
Workout > Cooldown > Eat > Wind Down > Sleep
Sounds uber-simple and obvious – but man, I’m struggling to follow-through
Don't Put Me Up On A Pedestal
Half of the time, I don’t have the answers.
And I rely on others to think further and trust their own intuition.
I can provide guidance or approval.
But if you also have to rely on me for crafting a solution, then you’re asking for too much.
Crafting a solution takes a lot of “mental load”.
It is lazy to let the other person do all the thinking while you wait for a command to be given.
That’s how a robot works – waiting for inputs.
But you’re not a robot – you have the ability to think and provide a creative solution to the problem.
Not an expert? You don’t need to be.
A lot of us are afraid to call the shots due to the fear of being wrong.
So we rely on others to do the thinking for us because if something fucks up – it would be on them, not on us – because we’re just following orders.
Respect is given to people who try and fail.
Note I’m not suggesting you perform surgery if you’re not a doctor.
All I’m saying is that you try to bring more to the table – provide a solution to the problem as opposed to waiting for others to craft a solution to the problem.
That’s what a good team member does.
I’m bitching…
Because it’s a pain in the ass to answer e-mails with repetitive and basic questions.
Again, I don’t expect others to be correct and let them freely call the shots on matters that are considered to be “critical”.
All I’m asking for is that we all need to try harder.
And not use inexperience as an excuse to not do anything.
"I understand", "I get it", "I know"
Do you really?
Or are you just automatically saying that to shut me up and so I can hear more of what you have to say instead?
Acknowledgment is a powerful “tool” to diffuse intense conversations.
But spitting those words do not automatically hide the reality that you don’t understand what has been communicated.
How do other people know?
By the quality of your follow-up questions and/or statements.
One of my superiors insists that she understands what I’m saying.
But her responses does not say so.
Then she yaps more to make me understand what she’s saying.
So then I go “Ya ya ya” and let her spill out whatever she needs to get out of her head.
Perhaps it’s really me who is bad at communicating what I’m really trying to say.
But it certainly doesn’t help if the person on the other side cares more about being heard as opposed to trying harder to understand the other person.
A walkie-talkie conversation might be the way to go…
Roger that.
Mid-Term Goals
Not long. Not short. But right in between long and short term goals.
I’m talking about weekly or monthly goals.
Recently, I feel like I’ve been focusing too much on the present that I forgot to think about what I wanted to do the next day.
Hence, not realizing I ran out of k-cups to help me function in the morning.
This would’ve irritated me back then (my past self).
I typically let that irritation run its course throughout my day. And if I’m bitchy in any way towards others – I would blame it on the lack of caffeine – instead of blaming myself for forgetting to buy.
However this time it’s different. I didn’t care. No that’s not true. It irritated me for a bit, then decided to carry on with my day. I asked myself the following set of questions:
“What is my day going to be like without my 4:30 am coffee?”
“How am I going to turn this around and make it seem like I had coffee?”
“Do I really need coffee? Does my body need caffeine?”
“OR! MAYBE just maybe, I’m deviating from my routine?”
I did not find any answers to those questions until the next day – when I can look back and study how I managed my day without my morning coffee.
Curiosity is a good tool to overcome irritation or frustration due to unexpected negative events.
Reflection is also a good tool to help you adjust your perception.
Both are critical elements to build good self-esteem – when we care more about the truth (whether or not it hurts us) as opposed to caring more about being right.
A Year Ago This Week
I…
- talked about the flood that swallowed the house I grew up in.
- touched on the idea of moving on…
This was a very sad month for me last year.
But what’s down will also spring back up.
Life comes in seasons.
[Read more about it here]
Goal Update
Personal Projects
I gotta start looking into writing about my journey in the life insurance industry.
I’m also taking steps to improve my self-esteem by doing sentence-completions.
I found this to be effective when I did it years ago. I wanna do it again.
Self-esteem requires maintenance – it doesn’t stay up there.
Health
I ran for 15-mins *I already felt exhausted after running for 5-mins. I need to get back in shape.
Did the Happy Body 2x this week with 10-lb weight LOL. *that’s a downgrade to my usual 25-lb dumbells
Slow and embarrassing results – but I need to start somewhere. I need to start NOW.
As per Jaric Maquimot (+10 years ago in my parent’s basement):
“Something is better than nothing”
Finance
I’m about to go for my 3rd attempt to apply for an account with Questrade.
This is due to some minor mismatch with my name in the documents.
Why Questrade? It’s a test. Lower fees. I’ll explain more in a different blog.
Basically, I needed to get started with an investment ASAP – compounding interest my friend 😉
[Side Note] Just because I talk about investment, does not mean I have a lot of money. I’m talking about very small investments – any extra I can squeeze out of my current budget. The point is to start NOW – not that imaginary day when you think you’re gonna be rich.