Pardon My Reach

No, not because my hands are too short but because there’s a metaphor behind it.

Sometimes, you need others to meet you half-way because you can only do so much. Doing your best should’ve been enough but sometimes, when “best” becomes common, typical or usual – it’s usually a sign that you need to step up your game.

Your idea of “best” is no longer YOUR “best”. It’s time for an upgrade.

Law of Marginal Returns – you can’t keep putting the same amount of effort if you expect better quality results.

So let’s say, you lost 50-lbs of weight simply by working out. The approach works and it makes sense to keep doing what you’re doing. However, if you intend to lose 80-lbs, that could mean you need to have a healthier diet AND perhaps a more intense workout.

Or in Jiu-Jitsu, learning the basics for a month will get you a white belt. But mastering the basics for 10 years is not enough to get you a purple belt. Again, you need to do more than what you’re already doing.

Or at work when completing your task consistently on time may give you a 10-star rating in your annual review. But doing that alone is not enough to qualify you for a promotion. You also need to excel in other areas.

And it’s also not about meeting the “checklist”. 

“Ok, I did this, this, that and this” isn’t going to automatically qualify you for promotion. Why? Everyone’s capable of meeting that checklist.

Are you saying that a department can have 15 supervisors at the same time because they all perform with flying colors AND they all meet the promotion-checklist?

It’s about providing value in areas that are important but often neglected.

Same goes for relationships. The consistent amount of effort you provide should be enough. But it’s not. She felt special, the first time you opened the car door for her. It was still special, on the second, fifth and tenth time. So you level up and do it EVERY TIME.

Logically, this should make her feel more special because now you’re doing it all the time. But instead, the “gentleman act” loses its luster – it’s no longer as special as it once was. It lost its “special-ness” when it became a “normal” thing.

Consistency is good but it makes you predictable – boring – because you take away the element of surprise.

We all plateau at some point in one or more or maybe all areas of our life.

I know I did.

I was able to address that concern by updating my list of goals last week.

However, there’s one area I failed to recognize. It hit me by surprise like a…

Silent Fart

Because you just don’t know when it’s coming or where it even came from – a WTF moment.

This week I slept on the couch for valid reasons. Not obvious but valid.

The couch makes you reflect back to your actions – to figure out where the shit “fart” came from:

“Was it that time when I did this? Or when I did that? Oh, wait! Maybe it was when THAT happened? But how? It can’t be. It must be something else.”

You’re left wondering – a puzzle where no clues are given.

Perhaps, it wasn’t an event that was triggered at that moment (when all hell broke loose). Maybe it was a consistent thing I’ve been doing that I wasn’t aware of.

Self-awareness certainly helps you “FBI” the thing out. But you just don’t know for sure.

When it comes to emotions and moods – you can’t be too certain. It is never “black or white”.

And because we’re so attached to our own biases – we blind ourselves from thinking logically when we should’ve been using our sense of empathy.

Focus on the action, not the words.

How do I plan to improve my sense of empathy? By becoming better at being present – to be more self-aware of what’s happening at the moment. That means, paying close attention to the person, the vibe of the environment and the context of the conversation.

Listening can come a long way.

But note that “hearing words” is NOT listening. Most of the time, we’re too busy thinking about how to respond to a conversation that we fail to listen.

I don’t know about you, but how can you get your brain to craft a response to a conversation WHILE it is busy processing the words its hearing? 

Point is: if I can pay better attention to what is happening at the moment, I can (at least) increase my chances of addressing the issue right away before it blows up in my face again.

Lesson learned.

And after each lesson, comes a new opportunity to screw up less.

I was granted the opportunity to…

Start Over (Again)

Understand the fact that you’ll never be able to take things back.

What’s done is done. It will never go back to the way it was.

No, I’m not talking specifically about “trust” or “honesty”.

I’m talking about EVERYTHING in general.

When shit happens, there’s only one direction you should be headed to: FORWARD.

 

Big f*ck-up. Small f*ck-up. Doesn’t matter.

Sure, I can bathe myself in guilt for messing up. But how does that help me get better?

My grandma would spank me with her flip-flops for doing something bad.

The spank would be painful enough to make the lesson stick.

But to all “righteous” people out there who loves to provide unsolicited advice, know that your finger-wagging is not really effective – it’s just plain annoying.

Especially when the advice is cliche.

 

Common Question/Comment: “How do I meet girls?”

Cliche Response: “Go out and do something”

 

Common Question/Comment: “I’m struggling to do this”

Cliche Response: “Be patient. Just keep trying. You’ll get there.”

 

Common Question/Comment: “How do I earn more money?”

Cliche Answer: “Work hard”

 

If you’re so inclined to give advice (because I also know it’s coming from a good place), please provide something that most of us don’t already know.

That said, please don’t do that. *finger-wag at you*

May that be a lesson to you.

But why would you care? Right. I get it.

There’s no downside to ignoring me after that but I had to do it to bring you back to what I’m really saying:

Lessons are not going to stick if they didn’t come with emotional, mentally or physical pain. The more painful it is, the better it sticks.

That pain will be used in the future as a reminder to not do it again – or at least avoid it to the best of your abilities.

Failures or mistakes gifts us with lessons.

They are essential for improvement. 

What about you?

When was the last time you failed at something?