60 Mississippi
That’s how long I let the cold water finish off my shower.
Side Note: 1 Mississippi = 1 second.
I’ve been doing this for a while now. But until today, I always feel like chickening out whenever I’m about to turn the shower-handle from ‘hot’ to ‘cold’.
When I shared this habit with my dad, he’s initial reaction was “WTF were you thinking?”
That matches the same reaction I had this Friday when I was feeling “off” as if I’m about to get sick.
I told myself, “Perhaps I can skip today…”
Then another thought popped up “Why skip?”.
The devil and the angel in my head are arguing.
It stayed that way for about 30-seconds. I couldn’t decide whether or not I should take that cold rinse even when I’m feeling ‘sick’.
Then another thought popped up, “I’m overthinking this”.
Decision fatigue is dangerous.
I said, “Screw it!” then turned that handle all the way to the right and just manned the fck up!
Why do I do this?
To help myself get into the habit of learning to deal with the uncomfortable.
I prefer to be stupid
Sounds stupid.
What I really meant to say was, “I’m ok with feeling like the dumbest person in the room”.
Don’t get me wrong. It sucks BUT that also means that I’m about to get less dumb because I’m going to learn something new from everyone else.
Which is why I tread carefully when I’m getting into a bitch-fest. Because it does not improve my thinking.
But sometimes, I get caught. I’m only human. Next thing I know, I’m sharing all my frustrations with others – an active participant of the bitch-fest lol.
I mean, it’s good to get the feeling off your chest. But is my complaining really solving anything?
Shame on me.
What IS "good"?
Two of the people I know told me that Lexi’s pediatrician is good.
But I thought to myself “I wonder what makes him good…?”
It turns out that those two people’s kids have the same pediatrician as Lexi’s lol.
If someone asks me what made me pick that pediatrician over the others. My answer is, “It’s the most convenient option at the time”.
The truth is, I can’t even tell what makes a good doctor or a bad doctor.
Most doctors are good. The ones that we go to are better than the others. But is that the truth?
Or is it the truth we WANT to believe?
We all have our own biases. It’s part of human nature.
I bring this up to make you more aware of your biases and not let them blind you from reality.
Because the truth is, our brain will try its hardest to turn what we believe into reality.
It tries its best to avoid looking like we’re liars.
#selffullfillingpropechy
Broken Armor
That simple phone call from my cousin meant a lot to me – so much so that it broke this shell that I carefully built to make me invulnerable.
Life finds a way to throw you off even when you think you’re prepared for its onslaught.
I never realized that there are people out there who really cared – regardless of how long you’ve known them.
They broke my shield down in a way I never thought it would be broken. People’s generosity changed how I view life – it’s not as ‘transactional’ as I thought.
Now I feel the need to pay it forward, not as an obligation, but as a form of appreciation of the kindness I’ve been given.
A 20-minute phone can go a long way.
A Year Ago This Week
I wrote about…
- detaching emotions from your actions.
- how my idea to write my own magazine failed.
- my struggle to communicate properly
[read here]
Goal Update
Personal Projects
I’m going to ‘park’ my personalized design project on the side for now and focus more on getting better at writing – to help me acquire clients for life insurance.
My last move would be to create a landing page for it in this website.
Health
I did 20 squats and 10 push-ups (1 set only) on Tuesday.
Doing 1 set does not do anything to my physique or overall health.
But doing 1 set consistently can help me build a habit.
Writing this weekly post is a form of habit. I write stuff down even when I don’t really have anything valuable to write about.
Habits last.
That’s what I’m aiming for…
Finance
Lexi was supposed to be baptized yesterday. I feel bad for not inviting all the people that are near and dear to me.
I didn’t tell them about it NOT because they’re not important. But because our budget is really tight and we couldn’t financially afford to have everyone there.
It was a tough call.
But this is…reality.
However, none of that shit matters anymore because we had to call it off.
