Word to Avoid: Understand

Because it’s offensive (if used incorrectly or without empathy…)

“Do you understand?”, I asked one of my co-workers.

His response: “What do you mean? Of course, I understand! Why would I write it down if I don’t understand?!”

The response was delivered in a defensive tone as if I was questioning his intelligence.

I had no intention to make him feel offended but his reaction to my question is way beyond my control.

Sensing his irritation, I cooled him down, not by apologizing but by using a different set of words that don’t come off as offensive. I then asked:

“If you were to describe it in your own words, how would you go about it?”

It is very difficult to provide full context about the situation because it is deeply work-related – which makes it difficult for you to understand fully grasp exactly what I’m talking about.

When my girlfriend tells me “You don’t understand…”, I too respond back in a defensive tone, “What do you mean I don’t understand?” as if I’m dismissive with what she’s communicating.

Other times, when I find myself trying to explain something very complex, I (also) tend to default on telling others, “No, you don’t understand” or “You don’t get it” – pointing the lack of understanding of others instead of pointing out my inability to communicate my message clearly.

“Understand” is a word that (sometimes) carry a negative connotation if used incorrectly towards others.

And for that reason, I will try to avoid using it (as much as possible) to reduce my chances of offending others.

Speaking of “understanding”, I fully understood the…

 

Feedback

…I was given for my website’s about page.

It was – in essence…CONFUSING af.

I took it hard – hard enough that I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

No, not thinking about how insensitive the comments were but thinking about how to make my message clear-er.

I tweaked my website again, not to have a clear message but to reduce my visitors’ confusion when they land on my page.

There’s a subtle difference between “clear message” and “reduce confusion”. I reached out to this mastermind group because I’m still struggling to find the “core message” of my website. This is most likely the reason why I couldn’t write a “clear message”. How can I expect myself to be clear when I’m (unconsciously) confused?

Therefore, I chose the route of “reducing” the “confusion“.

While I welcome negative feedback or criticism, and by now I thought I’d be at least immune to them, I realized that the “sting” never goes away. It sticks. It sticks well. Because they stick well, the lesson also sticks. And when it sticks, you’re more likely to smarten the f*ck up.

This explains why the lessons from most of the painful experience you’ve gone through were also the ones that stick to you FOREVER.

**Please note, this does not include traumatic experiences that disable you (instead of propelling you move further forward)**

If that’s the case, then why do we avoid pain so much instead of facing it head on?

We default on dwelling in a state of “worry” – which doesn’t really solve anything, it only causes you to…

 

Burnout

I’ve been reading about insurance every day for about a month now.

I’m starting to feel burned out, itching to say “screw this” but I had to keep reminding myself why I started in the first place.

That reminder was enough to reel me back and stay on course.

While I’m following through my goal of acquiring my provincial broker license (to-do lists and all that were set up in my calendar), I forgot one important element in the equation: I cannot apply for the exam for my provincial license unless I’m certified. To be certified, I needed to pass another set of exams through online certification. *sigh*

I’m still aiming to get licensed by the end of this year. It’s an ambitious goal but it’s worth the try.

Reading textbook after textbook is tiring and boring BUT it somewhat trained me to read faster – a skill I can apply to become more effective at work.

Realization: Doing something tedious can be beneficial as it also teaches you patience – to stay on course and see the “bigger picture”.

What about you?

The year is almost ending, are you now at least closer to where you wanted to be?

Or maybe you haven’t even had a chance to think about it yet?

Let me know, I’d love to discuss things further 🙂