What's On My Mind
“What would I do if that happened to me?”
This week has been a series of unfortunate events, so much so that the fortunate events hold no weight.
Good things happened (to me) this week: I’m done stressing about moving out of the apartment; my annual review at work went well; sleep training for Lexi is improving in the right direction; doctor confirmed that Lexi is not allergic to eggs; my dad is (again) a year older.
While those events call for a celebration, it didn’t feel right to do so as other people close to me are suffering emotionally. I value privacy as much as I value brushing my teeth. Therefore, I’m not going to get into the details of it. Anyway…
Let’s loop back to the question: “What would I do if that happened to me?”
If I was the person suffering, I wouldn’t want the people around me to feel sad because seeing them sad makes me even sadder. This does not mean that I want them to feel happy either. But I want them to acknowledge what I’m going through. Though I also understand that that acknowledgment comes with sadness. So then, I also need to acknowledge how much these people care for me. It goes both ways…
If I was the person who is near and dear from the person who is suffering…I don’t know. I don’t know what to feel. I can try and show I understand what they feel, but that level of empathy is nowhere near the pain they are going through. That makes sense. The pain is unimaginable because I’ve never been in that situation before.
As a result, I’m awkward – don’t know how to react in their presence.
But it feels heavy on the soul as if the world stopped spinning. It stopped because it understands the need for a temporary pause, to feel moments of silence and to reflect on past memories and future fantasies.
The best I can do is not provide some comforting words, but to listen.
Perhaps that’s the best kind of support someone can give, not to provide advice on how to get through their struggle, but to simply listen…
A Year Ago This Week
Weekly Update
Personal Projects
I still haven’t had time to work on my side projects. All I can talk about for now is work.
One of my supervisors, again, pointed out how I should sound more aggressive in my demand for information.
In this case, I’m asking her to do something for me right away even though I’m fully aware of her super busy schedule.
Now, as an effort to be “respectful”, I wrote the e-mail such that she didn’t need to act on it unless she has the time.
So instead of hearing a comment about how I’m a “respectful” member, she goes, “You were passive in that e-mail”.
She points out my lack of assertiveness.
I get it and I’m currently struggling on how to fix that. I struggle because that approach gets me the answers I need. It gets me what I want at the dispense of others – not in a manipulative way but in a cooperative way 😉
Most of the time, people are too demanding, like a bitchy customer to a waiter. Such an approach, while it works for people in a position of power, may reduce your chance of getting the help you need.
I learned how to leverage people’s narcissistic behavior by looking dumb because guess what? Everyone gets an ego boost when they help others. That ego-boost is irresistible, like a laser beam to a cat.
By looking dumb, I put them in a position to help.
Thus, putting them in a position to get an ego-boost.
Wait wait…I have to admit that most times, I really don’t know what I’m doing LMAO!
Routine
Starting work at 5:30 AM and leaving at 3:00 PM works well. I did not feel exhausted at the end of the day and I felt very productive.
But that must be driven by the amount of sleep I get the night before.
I’m not sure yet but I will keep at it.
Finance
Our Villagio (apartment) days are over but our transition to my parent’s house is still ongoing.
Tax season is coming up. Refunds are coming up – that’s if I get a refund.
I couldn’t even remember what my annual salary is but it seemed like I made more than I thought.
Find more of my work here, here and here