Thank goodness for air-conditioning because the weather is just too fn HOT!

It’s no surprise why everyone here is shirtless. It’s not because they’re confident with their bodies but because the weather is in mid-30s…and HUMID. Nose-picking became an evening self-care routine.

I thought the hot weather would make my nose bleed more often but nope!

And if it did, it’s not because my nose is dry, but because I pick it too often.

*** Rant Alert ***

I’m a fan of Taylor Swift’s creativity. She always finds a way to make her song stuck in my head. But it goes deeper than that. The lyrics of Anti-Hero spoke to me.

But I didn’t realize that on the get-go. I care more about the music than the lyrics when it comes to songs…until doom-scrolling led me to Anna Akana’s video on self-sabotage: the relationship between our subconscious mind and the conscious mind.

It shed a light on the reason why I feel a little uncomfortable when experiencing little doses of “luxury” such as getting a foot spa or staying in 5-star hotels.

That boy from Camiling (inside me) rears its head, convincing me that I’m not allowed to experience a life of comfort. Why? He already accepted that “living life” meant that it’s always going to be a struggle…as if “there’s always fn something” (BEEF reference).

This is why I felt icky the first time I got a foot spa. And the reason why I feel small when I see other people staying in 5-star hotels. I feel like I don’t deserve to be there. I feel like I’m being judged, EVEN WHEN I’M AWARE how everyone these days is too busy to care about you—because they have more important stuff they’d rather pay attention to. But the feeling lingers…*insert Linger by The Cranberries* <<< This is my subconscious at play. It works on auto-mode. This is due to the 20+ years of programming.

The only way to change it is to consistently fight the habit (see the video reference here).

Otherwise, I’m gonna keep making decisions that prohibit me from “experiencing success”…the opposite of having a “perfect life” but feeling empty.

And as Taylor Swift says, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me” 😀

But if you’re not into pop (I’m not but uhhmm I like Taylor Swift), you can check out Lit’s My Own Worst Enemy. — “It’s no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy
‘Cause every now and then, I kick the living shit out of me”

Oh not into rock but more on rap?
Then I’d go with Eminem’s Monster — “I’m friends with the voices inside of my head”