These are recent conversations I had with others which I found interesting and worth exploring.

Trade-Offs

“It’s a lot of work and it’s expensive. I can’t do this without sacrificing that”

This is a common struggle we all have. We find it hard to give up one thing to allow us to do another. So then I asked: “What is it about this thing you want to accomplish that makes it so important?”

A lot of us forget that fact that we are capable of crafting many solutions to a problem. Life is not math. Perhaps we shouldn’t limit ourselves to the “one and only” solution? What do you think?

Providing Advice that Lacks Empathy

“I’m here to help you me”

Some people are so quick to give a piece of advice without properly understanding the situation or values of the person they are giving advice to.

If the adviser really cared, then he/she should tailor that advice to the person’s situation. Most advisers give advice according to how they see things, not according to how the person (they are advising) see things.

When that happens, the person you are advising will not even listen BUT they will be polite about it.

This is why I became more and more reluctant to provide unsolicited advice. In most cases, I share what I observe – it’s not advice but more of an observation.

This is also why I became picky at taking advice from others. Some masks their true intention: they do help BUT it’s coming from a place where they benefit themselves more than they benefit you.

And some give a piece of advice – to help BUT it’s really to show off how awesome they THINK they are. Your response provides this sense of pride and approval most people can’t get enough off.

Kind of like a double-edged sword – you can cut through shit both ways.

Here’s a snippet of Paulo Coelho’s Warrior of the Light (which I remembered from writing this):

“A Warrior knows that an angel and a devil are both competing for his sword hand.

The devil says: “You will weaken. You will not know exactly when. You are afraid.”

The angel says: “You will weaken. You will not know exactly when. You are afraid.”

The Warrior is surprised. Both the angel and the devil have said the same thing.

The devil continues: “Let me help you.”

And the angel says: “I will help you.”

At that moment the Warrior understands the difference. The words may be the same but these two allies are completely different.

And he chooses the angel’s hand.”

― Paulo Coelho, Warrior of the Light

Not Smart Enough

“I wanna get a medal too” – Grade 5 Student

I asked, “Why?”, he shrugged. I can empathize with this kid because back then I also wanted to bring home a medal.

But then you fail so many times that you come to accept it – you’re not smart enough.

Then I kept asking him “why why why questions” because it’s fun lol:

“This game is cool”, *it was a game where you drive cars and get points for driving. I find it boring lol. But I asked: “Oh yea? What makes it cool?”,  he just shrugged lol.

Then I showed him something “better” – better in my own perspective: Cars + Guns = Twisted Metal